The Real Reason I Made that Mistake
by YamiRox1010
Summary: I kept it a secret from you because I know you would've felt guilty, but this was my guilt to deal with, there is no reason to drag you down with me, so I never told you. I should've never played that card, no matter what my excuses were, but nevertheless I don't want you to know my real reason for playing that card.


**I have read a lot of Orichalcos fics, mostly revolving around Yugi comforting Yami for his mistake. So I decided that it was time for me to add my own version to the mix. I hope you will tell me how you like it!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!**

Your endless light, should never be tainted. It should never be corrupted by the negative emotions of life. Your worry, anger and sadness, will not poison your mind. I will take it all on for you. I will keep you pure and innocent from these evils. If you ever should feel these emotions, I will take them on to myself and they will become a needless thing in the back of your mind. You won't have to feel them, just stay positive like you always do, because that what I am here for, to be the darkness that you are not.

You never worried all that much during duels. You always had faith in me to win. Even when your grandfather was captured, after I reassured you we would rescue him you seemed to calm down. When Joey was mind controlled, you were angry at Marik, but I acted on that anger for you while you seemed to have faith that he would wake up from Marik's control. Not even when we were in that shadow game with Marik were you worried, even though it was your soul being bargained. You had such faith in me to fix everything that you didn't even worry for a second. This time was so different though. You were worried for Professor Hawkings, you were worried about your friends, you were angry at these bikers who were going around and stealing people's souls, you were questioning every move I made in the duel, you were for once, worried we wouldn't win because we didn't know the enemy.

I thought I could handle it. I thought I could take on everything for you, just so you wouldn't be so distressed. You were nothing but a swarm of negative emotions that day though. I was getting frustrated and pushed into a corner by Rafeal. I was not frustrated by the duel however, no I was frustrated with myself for not being able to keep up with your emotions. They were overwhelming me by the second and all I could think about was getting a relief from it, which was making me angrier. My anger kept swelling up more and more and you weren't helping anything.

All the while this was going on, that thing we called a stone around my neck was whispering to me. It was convincing me that it could offer me a way out from it all. I was trying to block it out, but I couldn't focus. I couldn't keep track of so many things at once. My mind was becoming even more of a raging mess than it already was. Amidst this mess was the idea that ruined me. That one selfish, cruel, stupid and idiotic idea. And I rolled with it. I gave into my rage and I played that card against all better judgement. I was finally able to think for a few seconds. It was quiet.

It didn't make me happy though, because once it was all quiet, realization had hit me on what I had just done. I had betrayed not only your trust, but Timaeus's as well. I had done the worst thing I could and cast you away. My one saving grace and I threw it aside for a relief from my own incompetence as you yami. I truly saw just how despicable I am that day, that without you I am a horrible being that has no right to be free from my prison.

Then to top it all off, I went and lost that awful duel I couldn't even win it to make up for playing that card against your wishes. No, I pathetically lost after treating my monsters like garbage and throwing strategy to the wind. I was prepared to take the punishment, but I wasn't even allowed that, you pushed me out of the way. That could be seen as the worse punishment in some eyes, including mine. To go on in your body knowing you weren't there was pure torture. Knowing I was the reason you weren't there was even worse. I don't think I even muttered a single sound for a whole day and only moved when I absolutely had to. I was so caught up in my own grief over losing you, that I didn't think of anything else and refused any comfort that your friends tried to give me.

Thankfully I was able to persevere through the darkness that clouded my heart, most likely due to you giving me the indirect command during our duel, and save you from the Leviathan. You're back home safe and resting in your bed. The tournament starts the next day. My panic is gone, but as I sit here in my soul room, my guilt still remains. I sit here and replay the events in my head over and over to remind myself of what I did and what I could've done.

When you first came back I couldn't even comprehend how you even wanted to acknowledge my existence. Yet you did. Even now that we are back and alone you still want to talk to me. I cannot bring myself to face you yet though. I know in my head that you must be far better off without me, especially after that stunt I pulled. I want to protect you from everything in this world, even if that thing happens to be myself. Now I sit alone in this dark and dreary soul room by myself reliving that day again.

"Pharaoh?"

I jump at your voice not expecting it at all.

"Yugi? What are you doing here."

"Checking up on you, I've been back for 2 days now and you have barely said anything to me. I began to worry something was wrong."

"Don't worry Yugi, I have just been recovering from all the Orichalcos business."

"Don't lie to me."

"Huh?"

"I know that you're lying to me Pharaoh, you left the mind link open today, I've heard everything that you have been thinking."

I froze. Had I really been that careless? You were never supposed to know about this, you were just supposed to think that I gave into my rage and greed, you weren't supposed to know that my rage stemmed from you.

"Pharaoh?"

"Yes?"

"Is it true? Is it true that the darkness you were fighting wasn't yours, but mine?"

I hesitated for a bit before answering.

"Yes, it's true. My darkness resides in the puzzle, there is nothing to fight besides when I am in here. Yours on the other hand is not so easy. As your yami it is my responsibility to keep you happy, and if that means dealing with your not very hikari like emotions, so be it. I lessen your anger, your sadness, and your worry. You don't have to concern yourself with them, because you are my hikari. As long as you are smiling I am content."

You came down to sit on the floor next to me.

"Pharaoh," You said. I could see some tears in the corners of his eyes. "You can't possibly deal with that all the time, it would drive you insane I worry about everything."

"Nothing that I can't handle."

"So that day you couldn't?"

"No." I growled "It seemed that day, no matter what I did, I couldn't calm you down. In fact it only seemed to get worse and worse. The duel was becoming the least of my worries, I had to focus on getting your emotions under control, which was just not happening. Yet, I knew that we had to win that duel and the temptation was so compelling. I gave in to my weakness and incompetence and played the seal. I know I can never properly show it, but I am so sorry, Yugi."

"So the reason you played that seal was because of me?" He said sniffing

"NO!" I said twisting to face you. I said it louder than I should have because it made you jump back a bit. "I played it because I wasn't strong enough, this has nothing to do with you."

"But you just said it was all of my emotions that were distracting you. You always told me to have faith and that day for some reason I didn't. I don't even remember the reason why I didn't and look what I did to you!"

"Yugi, you worrying had nothing to do with it. It is perfectly natural to feel worried in stressful situations, or to feel angry at those who are hurting others. Nothing about that day was your fault."

"But I should have been able to recognize you were hurting!"

"You did, remember? You noticed my frustration and my building rage, you just misjudged what it was stemming from. I don't want you blaming yourself for this."

"Then I don't want you sitting in here dwelling so much over this."

"How can I not Yugi! I almost lost you forever all because of a selfish mistake! I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't gotten you back!"

"You just said yourself why you shouldn't be dwelling over it. You made a mistake, Pharaoh. Despite being an ancient pharaoh and being my yami, deep down you are still human, same as me. And as humans we all make mistakes. I've forgiven you for yours and I want you to too."

"Yugi, I'm not supposed to make mistakes. I'm supposed to be the strong one who guides you."

"Yes you may be that, but like I said before you're still human, which entitles you to make a mistake once in your life. As long as you learn from it and fix it."

"Still how can you forgive me so easily? I betrayed you!"

"Yes you did, and to tell you the truth, I'm still not completely over it. You're going to have to regain my trust all over again, but that doesn't mean I don't forgive you for your mistake. The reason I can so easily forgive you is because I know that you learned from it, and in the end you did eventually fix it. So I can find it in my heart to forgive you for it, so can you too?"

I couldn't answer him. His words are far too kind for a lowlife like me. Maybe I just don't want to forgive myself, I don't know, but I do know I can't say yes to his question.

"Alright." You say to me. "Let me put this another way. If you had the chance would you do it again? Do you feel guilty about your decision?"

"What? No! I would never do that again! I have never felt worse guilt in my life over it and being without you was pure torture!"

"Pharaoh, it's those feeling alone that let me know that I can forgive you. They are what give me the hope that I can trust you again one day. I know you're not evil and I know that you can move past this. I don't want this to keep us apart like this. Please Pharaoh, even if you can't do it right this second, can you forgive yourself? For me? I just want my friend back."

I could feel my mask breaking at your words. The tears that I had been holding in were now cascading down my face and I could do nothing about it. I feel your arms wrap around my shoulders in an attempt to comfort me, but it only makes it worse. I don't want you to have to protect me from myself, it should be the other way around. I should be the one to comfort you, not you comforting me.

"Pharaoh, you said it yourself. We're partners. Being partners means we help each other, you know that right? So it's ok for it to be the other way around sometimes. Stop finding reasons to beat yourself up. Just let it go."

I managed to calm myself down at your words. I took them to heart and gathered the courage to look up to you.

"For you Yugi, I'll give up the world. So if moving past this is what you want me to do, then I shall. Maybe not tonight, but I can get past this, for you."

"Thank you Pharaoh." You say while smiling softly at me. "Can I at least ask that you come and talk with me tomorrow?"

"You can ask anything of me Yugi. That is the least I can do for you."

"Okay then! I'm going to sleep. You should try and get some rest tonight too, we do want to be prepared for this tournament right?"

"I will Yugi. Goodnight."

"Night, Pharaoh!" This is the last thing you say before leaving my soul room for the night. I hope I didn't keep you up too late worrying about me and my problems.

That night I meant what I said to you. It took plenty of time to come to terms with what you said and to get past my self loathing, but I did as you said and let it go. I don't think I could ever truly forgive myself for my mistake, no matter how much time passes, but I will not let it affect our friendship any longer. If you want your friend back, you're going to get him, I just might be a little less confident than you remember, but I suspect you know that already. At the tournament tomorrow you will have a partner once more.

 **I think this could pass for canon. Well, only if it was really explained what the spirits in the items could actually do, but it's that vagueness that allows us fanfic writers to go all out on our ideas right? I also think I made Yugi a little more realistic here, in a lot fanfics I see him take it really easy on Yami, and bend to his will, but Yugi has proven in the show that he can stand up to Yami when he has to. I wanted to reflect that here a bit, while still keeping him classic emotional Yugi. Anyways I hope you liked it! R &R plz :)**


End file.
